MAMANO PATHFINDER CATCHUP 8
*An imperial warmage bursts through the door, heavily injured.*
NPCs: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HE-"
*Everyone else pounces over him trying to help, roleplaying loudly over each other*
Benny: "Shouldn't the skeletons have initiative?"
Hawkeye: "Oh, right. ...Their initiative is 0."
Tobi: "Are you saying that coffee is full of black magic? Because if so I'm full of dark energy."
Sedra: "This is why you use creamer, folks..."
Hawkeye: "Okay! ...Ioth'ir is the only one with a bludgeoning weapon. I can just imagine Lyanna going 'Hey, can I borrow this for a bit?' *Shwoomp!*"
Hawkeye: "The Skeletal Archer raises his bow and takes a shot at Lyanna."
Hawkeye: "I believe that ricochets."
Hawkeye: "Skeleton Soldier takes a swing at Lyanna and... doesn't even graze her."
Nameless: "Bounces off her boobs! Again."
Hawkeye: "You scatter the skeleton all over the field."
Nameless: "Sounds gory."
Tobi: "It's a skeleton."
*Benny drops out of the call*
Benny (In text): "Is the call still up?"
Hawkeye: "The call's still up, be- oh."
Anthony: "I start swinging my arm around and toss a fireball at that skeleton."
Hawkeye: "Alright, here's his incredible reflex save o- well that's actually kinda crap."
Anthony: "Can I draw a little *cough* circle on the board to show where my fireball hits?"
Sedra: "Given that cough I don't think you should be so welcoming of it, Hawkeye. If he draws another circle and a line you might need to step in."
Annos: "The thing in front of me isn't quite dead. I could boop i-"
Sedra: "Or Lyanna could boob it."
Anthony: "Sylmera kicks her ball of fire up to the tower, hitting an archer."
Sedra: "Goal! Goal! GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!"
Hawkeye: "The skeleton erupts into fire. You are NOT getting that bow back. Don't hunt small game with a rifle."
Hawkeye: "That skeleton is down, it'll take his entire turn to get back up."
Sedra: "I'll hit him while he's down."
Annos: "Quite the lawful good paladin here."
Hawkeye: "You can't hit them with a spear from there! They're on a higher edge!"
Sedra: "That's quitter talk."
Annos: "ORC THROW SPEAR!"
*Sukudo looks through the keyhole*
Nameless: "Do I need a stealth check?"
Hawkeye: "No, you're just looking through the keyhole. You should be fine."
Annos: "As long as you don't giggle."
Hawkeye: "If you're wondering why the turn order doesn't carry over between rooms, these are technically different tokens. I copy and pasted them over from the last room."
Sedra: "It's just like SOMA. Are the old tokens still alive? Do they know we exist? Are we real?"
*Everyone starts discussing existential stuff*
Hawkeye: "LET'S NOT GET INTO THIS. We don't want to explode anyone's minds before the battle."
Sedra: "Hehe, I have a character all about tha- oop, mark that one on the bingo board."
*Everyone bursts through the door*
Necromancer: "How the hell did you get in here!?"
Annos: "YOUR MOTHER!"
Nameless: "That was uncalled for."
Sedra: "Your mother was a Skeleton, and your Father reeked of Zombie flesh! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!"
Annos: "Lifeline! I never have to cast another heal spell again. Except on myself. Ioth'ir's gonna spend a LOT of time touching himself."
Nameless: "Do we loot now?"
Anthony: "I'll take the gold."
Benny: "I'll take a look at the wine."
Annos: "At-at-at! Ioth'ir gets his pick."
Anthony: "Is it fair to pick their pockets after knocking them out?"
Hawkeye: "They tried to kill you first so you get their stuff by virtue of go screw yourself."
Hawkeye: "The Ghoulstalker charges in and slices Lyanna with its claw. Does that hit?"
Benny: "Boing! Right off the boob!"
Sedra: "I am... SO HAPPY that's a running gag now."
Hawkeye: "It's the sort of thing you build up a reputation for."
Ghoulstalker: "You look... DELICIOUSSSSS."
Lyanna: "Hey! You perverted...!"
*Lyanna swings her sword. Critical hit!*
Sedra: "That's the second time in two days my characters have called someone a pervert due to a misunderstanding."
Hawkeye: "That's a DRINKING GAME in Ranma 1/2."
*Lyanna crits the perverted Ghoul again... and again. And hits twice. 36 damage.*
Hawkeye: "Lyanna dices him up in a series of sword slashes and he falls over, letting out a 'Gaak... that was awesome...'"
Sedra: "Are you sure that isn't in response to him seeing something else?"
Hawkeye: "Around the corner, you see a jail cell with an imperial soldier inside."
Lyanna: "Are you alright?"
Soldier: "They tortured me... Wanted to make me one of their minions."
Lyanna: "We were sent here by a friend of yours, who asked for our help."
Soldier: "He's alive? Please, help the others! They're still in the torture room! There was a red-skinned person with them."
Lyanna: "You didn't happen to see a black heart tattoo?"
Soldier: "They never let me get a good look, but one of them had wings, just like yours. Except..."
Lyanna: "Delistra... You get out of here. We'll take care of them."
Hawkeye: "They heard you coming from down the hall. You're wearing armor, too. So that doesn't help with subtlety."
Sedra: "No, it was more likely the bouncing."
*Lyanna attacks! Rolls a 1...*
Benny: "HOW DO YOU MISS A BLIND GUY?"
Annos: "By rolling a 1."
Benny: "Lyvanna, charge in!"
Sedra: "You just want to see a fusion of them, admit it."
Benny: "Of course!"
Hawkeye: "But then she'd have average breasts..."
Everyone: "Nope. Nevermind."
Hawkeye: "The bearded devil switches to his claws, as Lyanna is too close to hit with his glaive. Rolling against blindness... he STILL gets it! Blindness does nothing! Anyway, rolling to hit..."
Sedra: "That does nothing."
Benny: "Okay, bomb one! Bomb two!"
Hawkeye: "There's no way he's surviving."
Benny: "Oh, come on! At LEAST do the blindness check!"
Hawkeye: "The devils burn away, going back to hell, leaving only their treasures."
Sedra: "Does that mean they show up naked?"
Hawkeye: "They always walk around naked in hell. They were only wearing chain shirts."
Annos: "Nudes for the nude god."
Hawkeye: "Quick little retcon, you hear faint activity down the hall to the right. There's a lady in there, she looks like a spider from the waist down but above that, she has a human body."
*Unfortunately, Tobi/Lavina had to drop out, in favor of John/Durdona!*
Sukudo: "Are you alright, Miss?"
Hawkeye: "It's an old arcane glyph. It looks like the necromancers were using it to-"
Benny: "DOOOON'T STEP IN IT."
Annos: "Bah, whatever."
Benny: "Jathal pulls out a green potion."
Durdona: "What's that?"
Jathal: "It'll make you big!"
Anthony: "Shouldn't we give it to Lyanna?"
Hawkeye: "Yeah, Lyanna. That nondescript paladin you travel with."
Durdona: "You have wings..."
Durdona: "Are you an angel?"
Lyanna: "Valkyrie, actually."
Lyanna: "Oh, I was saving some food for the road. You might wanna try it. It's a bit cold though."
Durdona: "Is it poison? I don't know i-"
Lyanna: "It's blessed, actually!"
Jathal: "Try it, please."
Durdona: "...Stomach... taking over.... can't control..."
*Durdona gobbles it down*
*Lyanna smites the devil! CRITICAL HIT! DOUBLE-CRIT! Lyanna does like 50 damage and instagibs it.*
Hawkeye: "She wields the holy light. A huge surprise considered what's said about her kind."
Hawkeye: "The confused devil hits the nearest opponent. Lyanna- er, Lavina."
Sedra: "Lavina? What Lavina?"
Hawkeye: "LYANNA, GEEZ. Story rule, don't make a bunch of characters with the same first letter. ...Does that hit?"
Sedra: "I believe not."
Sedra: "Hahaha, stop that!"
Hawkeye: "Did you know that a daddy longlegs has incredibly strong venom, but its fangs are too small to pierce human skin, so it can't ever hurt you?"
John: "We talkin' about Daddy longlegs the spider or the-"
Sedra: "BDSM specialist?"
Hawkeye: "That's a discussion for another time."
John: "I'm gonna go over to the wall and shake."
Benny: "Shape? Like a web?"
John: "No, I'm literally shaking right now."
Sedra: *Muffled hysterical laughter*
Hawkeye: "Okay, Sukudo, It's your turn. Roll to break free again."
Nameless: "I'm probably going to need a 20 for thi-"
*Sukudo rolls a 13 and escapes! Then charges over to the devil and instagibs it with a triplecrit!*
Hawkeye: "Battle's over. Now you have a prisoner! Anyone have intimidate?"
Sukudo: "What are you doing here?"
Imp: "Back away, mortal scum!"
Sedra: "I have lots of Diplomacy. We should play good cop, bad cop."
Hawkeye: "Stepping through the door, you see a bunch of demonic torturers, whipping an imperial soldier with barbed chains."
Sedra: "Please don't do this ridiculous stuff! It's disgusting like hell!"
Hawkeye: "Lyanna, give me a fortitude save against the Pain Devil's aura."
Sedra: "26. Her bust is too thick to be damaged. You won't be splitting any wounds, but you will be splitting her cleavage."
Benny: "Right, so he's already blinded. But as I tend to do... I'LL THROW ANOTHER BLINDNESS BOMB IN HIS FACE!"
John: "That's four hits! Boobooboobooboom!"
Sedra: "Boob. Boob. Boob. Boob. Boom."
Imperial: "Please... leave me alone... I can't take it anymore."
Imperial: "UAAAAAAAAAAHHHHNNOOOOOO- wait, who are you?"
Lyanna: "We're Mamano!"
???: "What was that noise? It came from over here!"
Sedra: "Oh, hey! It's Legion Devils!"
Hawkeye: "Not that kind of Legion, alas."
Hawleye: "One of them broke your sanctuary aura, so that means they all do.... That threatens a crit."
Nameless: "Oh god. HEALER DOWN! HEALER DOWN!"
Hawkeye: "Not confirmed."
Nameless: "HEALER NOT DOWN! FALSE ALARM!"
Sylmera: "I cast haste on everyone."
Hawleye: "How long's that last?"
Anthony: "7 Rounds."
Sedra: "It would be 14 rounds but the timer is hasted."prntscr.com/dxwbwu
Hawkeye & John: "That's a blessing, not a curse."
Durdona: "I think the best thing to do is for me and Lyanna to bodyblock them in the hallway!"
Sedra: "You mean boobyblock."
John: "YES. EXACTLY."
Hawkeye: "The steel devil points at Sukudo."
Steel devil: "APPROACH."
Sukudo: "Nnnh... yes...."
Nameless: "They want the boobies."
Hawkeye: "Seems you've discovered their plan. They're trying to move the tanks away and the squishies close to them."
Sedra: "What do you mean? Lyanna's squishy too."
Hawkeye: "Oh for the lo-"
Anthony: "GOD DAMMIT SEDRA!"
Durdona: "You should surrender."
Hawkeye: "The steel devil flashes an angry glowing glare at you, raises his hand, and disappears."
Nameless: "HOLY SHIT THAT ACTUALLY WORKED?"
Benny: "Cast ma-habbleablababagamemea. Bleh."
Hawkeye: "I don't know that spell."
Hawkeye: "You see Inquisitor Nerril in there. He has a strange soulless look in his eyes."
Nameless: "Oh no. They took his mind."
Sedra: "Seeing Lyanna all huge and stuff will probably snap him out of it."
Hawkeye: "This room has a larger ceiling, so you can fly in it."
Sedra: "You did that on purpose..."
Hawkeye: "I do everything on purpose!"
Delistra: "Try getting past THIS!" *Delistra casts a wall of fire!*
*Everyone who can't fly over it just walks through due to the fire resistance buff from earlier*
*Lyanna AIRCHARGESMITES Delistra for a hit roll of 1d20+18 and damage of 1d8+14*
Lyanna: "Let him GO!"
Sedra: "WAIT! Lyanna is huge. That should've been 1d12!"
Hawkeye: "Too late!"
Sedra: "Nerill must make a will save for every round spent in Lyanna's aura range to stop from getting distracted by obvious reasons."
Hawkeye: "Nahhh, he's okay. Maybe."
Hawkeye: "Delistra's hand glows with red energy as she reaches out and touches Lyanna, draining her lifeforce."
John: "SHE TOUCHED THE BOOB! NOOOOOOOOO!"
Benny: "I toss two bombs at Delistra!"
Hawkeye: "They both hit! She is DEAFENED! Her spells now have a 30% chance to miscast!"
Sedra: "Dammit, now we can't do in-battle monologues. Not like you were keeping up with that anyway."
Lyanna: "Give up, Delistra!"
Delistra: "Y-YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!"
Lyanna: "I'M ruining everything? What about the lives of the people you've tortured and controlled?"
*Durdona blasts Delistra with webs, taking her down*
Neeril: "Looks like you've met your match, Delistra! Haha!"
Hawkeye: "He runs in to attack. Seems these two don't like each other."
Hawkeye: "Delistra screams in agony as she fades back into the ether."
Sukudo: "What I did to her, I'm gonna do to YOU, next!"
Sharrak: "Ah, her shrill voice was getting on my nerves. We'll meet again."
Nerril: "You... use the holy light. I've seen it when last we fought. Paladins are a rare sight in the empire, so when I saw you wielding it, I knew you couldn't be a demon like they say. I came out here to find you. You don't seem to resent the empire."
Lyanna: "I used to. I sought vengeance on them for what they did to my hometown... but nothing can come of bloodshed. It'd do nothing to show that we're not the evil demons they think we are."
Nerril: "I see... my word alone won't be likely to sway their decisions. And associating with you is a great crime in the city..."
*Hawkeye reads off a bunch of exposition from Delistra's Diary*
Sedra: "So they know Lyanna's presumable weakness..."
John: "Is it bras?"
Sedra: "STOP that John!"
Annos: "Ioth'ir supplies Nerill with his room key."
Sedra: "Lyanna supplies Nerill with FOOD."
Durdona: "I don't know how to deal with this. My whole life got turned upside down..."
Sylmera: "I can assure you you look much better like this."
*Durdona gives a cross look*
Anthony: "Tim, can I make a melee touch attack to attempt to fondle her?"
Sedra: "Wait, wha-!?"
Everyone else: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DID YOU JUST SAY THAT SERIOUSLY!?"
Durdona: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
Sylmera: "Just trying to help you get accustomed. You'll need to get used to it sooner or later, I just wanted to help it along~"
Durdona: "Wha- GET AWAY FROM ME!"
Anthony: "Do you need an adult?"
Anthony: "That IS how a succubus would try to help."
Sedra: "How has she resisted groping Lyanna this whole time?"
Durdona: "What happened here?"
Sukudo: "This castle used to belong to a great hunter. He made a deal with the Obsidian Heart to become a Lycanthrope to take it from the orcs terrorizing the village. He was taken by them as soon as he was confronted. We've taken it back since then."
Sylmera: "We're also trying to seek out the help of the elementals to defend ourselves."
Durdona: "From what?"
Sukudo: "The order in its current state. They seek to destroy us. They think we're irredeemable monsters."
Durdona: "O-oh, I-I was always told I was doing the right thing, but... I never knew who I was really hurting...."
Durdona: "What's the logic in that? Transforming people against their will isn't going to stop any wars!"
Sylmera: "Nobody becomes a Mamano against their will, sweetie."
Sedra: "Lyanna casts Lesser Valkyrie's Aspect on Durdona!"
Hawkeye: "That won't do anything. You already have acid resistance from Jathal and elementals aren't evil."
Sedra: "W-whatever. I'm sure she appreciates being filled with holy power."
*An explosion of rock erupts from the ground as a huge golem stands up*
Nome: "You... Summon....Nome.... SPEAK."
Lilac: "We wish to make a contract with you, to defend these lands!"
*Solice sneaks up behind him*
Hawkeye: "Both stealth rolls failed. He gets an attack of opportunity."
*Nome rolls a 25*
Hawkeye: "That hits, now for damage."
*Nome rolls a 37*
Annos: "It's OKAY. I have a 20% chance to be missed."
*Nome rolls a 75*
Annos: "OKAY. I still have a counter for this, uh... I can go incorporeal!"
Hawkeye: "You already did that."
*Solice gets whacked*
Anthony: "Are they immune to stunning?"
Hawkeye: "I believe so."
Anthony: "Dang it, now I can't show him my boobs anymore..."
Hawkeye: "I love how THAT got your attention."
Hawkeye: "The ground is wrestling against you, trying to pull you in. That's a countergrapple or escape artist check to avoid it with a DC of 20."
John: "Good, wrestling is my specialty."
Sedra: "Cool Spider Loves Wrastlin'"
Hawkeye: "Nome shifts a bit, letting out a 'SHRED.' and causes a rain of crystals upon Lilac, Lyanna, and Sylmera."
*Lyanna and Lilac make the save! Sylmera takes 38 damage!*
Sedra: "Lyanna uses her shield as an umbrella!"
Anthony: "Crap, that's all of my HP. I'm dead."
Sedra: "Lyanna uses Lay on Hands! Sylmera's really touchy today. I wonder if she'll repay the favor later."
*Jathal heals Sylmera!"
Sylmera: "Thanks love. Remind me to properly thank you once this is over."
*Sylmera winks sexily*
Benny: "The boss hits like a truck. These guys hit like minivans."
Nameless: "Yeah, he's like 20 feet tall and made of rocks."
John: "Well I'm 10 feet tall and made of spiders! ...Wait."
Hawkeye: "Nome finally submits to Maou, as a stone shell forms around him, a cocoon of sorts."
Sedra: "Aaaa-! AAAAAA-! C'MOOOON ROCKBOOBS!"
Hawkeye: "Nome bursts from the shell, taking on a more feminine shape. Her skin is dark brown, like mud. And she's very pretty."
Miles: "Do NOT grope the elemental."
Anthony: "I'm not groping the elemental! I'm just patting its arm."
Annos: "Suuuure you are."